new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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