He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
