How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
