Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
