Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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