So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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