Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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