he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
