By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My liver just broke up with me...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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