Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
