did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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