Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
