her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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