Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
