I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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