I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
