Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
