just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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