Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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