I need help removing her.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
