Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
And then he peed in my hair
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