Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
