Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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