? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
