is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
