he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
