I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Pants 0. Shit 1.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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