i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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