I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
