Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
