It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
