I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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