I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
