he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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