Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
