I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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