Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
