ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
