mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
