Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
