Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
