Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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