He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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