Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
