If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish i was in the wii world.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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