Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
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