i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
