Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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