"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
