Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
