Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
