I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
