So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
