am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just gift wrapped bread.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
