i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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