My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
