maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
