I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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