After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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