Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
