In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
