I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
