Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
