so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
