Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
