i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
