you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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