Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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