My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
