took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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