Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize