my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
