nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
