But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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