It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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