I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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