And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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