She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
