yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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