she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
barbara walters just said penis...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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