I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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