after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have aggressive nipples.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize