You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
