you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
