I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
