every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
