At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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