Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
