I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
