I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
