Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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