listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
