he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize