I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
