I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
