I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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