I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i need to put some appletini on your dick
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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